Strange But True

It’s been a while since I posted any shocking secrets about me on here — in fact, I think it’s been almost one year exactly. And since I don’t have much of interest otherwise to be posting at the moment, here goes.

I once had fangirls.

Now, I’m not talking about scantily clad slave girls armed with large fans used solely to direct a breeze my way, preferably while sitting on some sort of gilded throne. Though now that I think about it, that doesn’t sound too bad. Hmm. The Thirteenth Amendment prohibits the “slave” part, but the rest of that would probably still be legal….

Focus. Right.

Fangirls, as in “more than one female fanboy.”

This was all several years ago, back before I had finished BSing my way through Purdue’s Computer Science program, back in the days when I was in the Ship of Fools. Of course, the fangirls in question were in regards to the latter, rather than the former. As everyone knows, there’s no such thing as a CS fangirl.

I can’t recall any other Fools ever accruing fangirls of their own. Why I have been the only one to attract some, I have no idea. I mean, if I were picking a Fool to be a fanboy of, it certainly wouldn’t be me, and not just because I don’t think the reflexive property holds for fanboyism.

Now, lest the reader become jealous of my seeming good fortune, I have another shocking revelation to make. Having fangirls isn’t nearly as great as you might think. In fact, it can get fairly creepy.

Perhaps that’s an overgeneralization; after all, I am extrapolating from a sample size of two. If you have your own experience of having fanpersons, I would be interested in hearing if yours differed significantly.

At first my fangirls (who shall remain anonymous to protect their identity and definitely not because I can’t remember their names) were relatively benign. They’d get excited and cheer whenever I was in a game. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But then they started getting disruptive when I wasn’t in a game. For instance, if I were to be tagged out during Freeze, they would complain loudly. I mean yeah, the “leave one person in the entire time” gag is funny once, but not every time. Especially when I’m that guy.

OK, you may be saying, that certainly would count as “annoying” or “obnoxious,” but “creepy”? And you’d be right, if this were the end of the story. Which it isn’t.

The creepy came into play when I went over to their apartment one night.

Now while my former fellow Fools were likely aware of the fangirls, they surely weren’t aware of this part of the story, as I have never before told this tale to anyone.

Now lest you think my intentions in going to their apartment were untoward, I assure you they were not. Not that if they had been untoward, I wouldn’t have likely been successful. I mean, come on, fangirls. But even if that had been the case, one of the other Fools (who shall also remain nameless, even though I do remember his name for the same reason as before), who was their friend and in fact was how they first started coming to our weekly meetings, came along as well.

Once inside their apartment, I began to understand that my two fangirls had a bit of an obsessive streak about them. For example, they showed off a door completely covered with wrappers from York Peppermint Patties. They also had a bit of an Angelina Jolie fixation, with one of the fangirls having an entire wall of her bedroom covered with pictures of her, with varying degrees of safe-for-work-ness.

But it was when they started showing an earnest interest in sniffing the bean bags and pillows that had come in contact with me during my visit that I officially became Weirded Out.

Eventually I was able to leave with my fellow Fool unscathed. As it turned out, shortly after that incident they transfered out of Purdue, so I didn’t see much of them after that night. Which probably was for the best, at least for avoiding any awkwardness after that experience.

The moral of the story is: fangirls are kind of creepy.

9 Responses

  1. That is creepy! Sure glad I don’t have any fangirls…

  2. I’m assuming they’re not still in contact with you. Stalking is the sincerest form of flattery.

  3. This answers so many questions:

    Why Paul doesn’t use facebook.

    Why we are not made to know the identity of the “8th member” of the Ship of Fools.
    http://scratchpad.wikia.com/wiki/Ship_of_Fools

    I’d like to take this opportunity to point out that I am not a fanboy, but a social parasite. That’s an easy mistake to make.

  4. I just want to know who the other Fool was.

    Also- I was told that there were 8 founding members, but nobody listed the 8th, so I left that as a placeholder.

  5. I must admit, that IS creepy.

    Good thing you managed to get out alive or else I’d be an only child.

  6. John: Not that I’m aware of, at least….

    Jamie: Actually, I don’t use Facebook because my opinions of social networking sites is only slightly more printable than my opinions of Purdue Student Government, but good guess.

    Jamie + Ryan: I *think* the eighth member was Jon Heffley. In fact, come to think of it, I’m pretty sure it was, since he was the one who proposed a different name for the group, and he couldn’t have done that if he weren’t a founder, right?

  7. Paul: Can you confirm/deny that fact? Every school year in passing leaves more and more history behind!

  8. The Heff was, in fact, a founding member.

    Jeremiah, Paul, Scott, Colin, Heffley, Matt, Chuck, and myself were the 8, if I recall correctly.

  9. The important question: were the female fanboys hot?

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