Here’s a pop quiz for all of you out there who drive a motor vehicle:

Suppose you are driving on the highway, and your car is in the rightmost lane of a two-lane offramp, on which the prevailing traffic is moving at near-highway speed. True or false: it is an acceptable maneuver to slam on your brakes, cut off the person driving in the left lane of the offramp, slam on your breaks even more, and then cut over to the wedge between the offramp and the main highway and come to a complete stop.

If you answered “false,” congratulations, there’s a good chance you’re not a danger to yourself and others! If you answered “true,” thanks for that little bit of excitement this morning on my way to work, moron. You better thank my reaction time and brake pads that I didn’t rear-end you during your little maneuver, just as I thank the reaction time and brake pads of the person driving behind me that they didn’t rear-end me when I had to slam on my brakes to avoid you.

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Aye, today be Talk Like A Pirate Day!

If ye land lubbers and bilge rats not be understandin’ how to talk like a pirate, here be a training video I plundered from YeTube:

And if that tharrr instruction be goin in one ear and out ye bilge hole, here be an example:

4|-|0′/, /\/\47135! 1 b3 L00|<1|\|’ 70 d0\/\/|\|L04D 4 (0P’/ 0Ph 74LL4D394 |\|19|-|75. |\|0\/\/ |\|0R/\/\4LL’/ 1′D b3 45|<1|\|9 1|\| ‘/3 1R( (|-|4|\||\|3L, bU7 ‘/3 5(UR\/’/ 0P5 /\/\4D3 /\/\3 \/\/4L|< 7|-|3 pL4|\||< Ph0R |\|07 0PhPh3R1|\|’ 4|\|’/ 0Ph /\/\3 0\/\/|\| b007′/ 1|\| 3><(|-|4|\|93.

And remember, this best be the keyboard ye be usin’ today, else ye be walkin’ the plank!

Pirate Keyboarrrrrrrrd!