Drunk Girl

(Editor’s note: I originally started on this post last night, but Firefox gleefully threw it away thanks to an accidental page navigation when I was two-thirds of the way through. Let’s try this again….)

I know I haven’t been posting much lately on what’s going on in my life. I’ll try to rectify some of that by writing about some of the more interesting events of the past month or so.

We’ll start off with the story of Drunk Girl.

Our story begins on the Friday night before Thanksgiving break. I broke with our usual custom of going out to eat after the evening’s weekly improv club meeting and instead went over to Kevin’s for a D&D session.

When I got back to the apartment, I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. There was someone sleeping on one of the couches downstairs, who I presumed to be roommate Adam. Adam’s diurnal schedule, assuming it exists, is a mystery to modern science, and it’s not unheard of for him to crash on the couch instead of going up to his room on those times he sleeps at night. Not thinking anything of it, I locked the front door behind me and headed up to bed.

The next morning when I went downstairs, I noticed a credit card lying on the floor near the front door. That’s unusual, especially since I didn’t recognize the name on it, so it didn’t belong to anyone who lived there or comes by with any regularity. There was also a pair of women’s shoes on the floor nearby, which is also unusual. After all, credit cards and shoes, like cake, aren’t naturally occuring.

(Fun fact: this blog is the third hit when you search for “penny arcade cake” on Google.)

Benji and I eventually came up with a hypothesis as to what happened. Earlier Friday night, while everyone who was in the apartment was upstairs doing whatever it was they were doing, a drunk girl came in through the unlocked front door, dropped her credit card and shoes on the floor, and passed out on the couch. When I got back later that night, I erroneously assumed the vaguely person-looking thing was Adam, locked the door, and went upstairs. Later that night or early the next morning, the drunk girl woke up, realized she had no idea where she was, and fled, leaving her aforementioned items behind. I’m not sure how one can walk and/or stumble away being unaware one forgot one’s shoes, but then again I’m not someone who goes around passing out in strangers’ apartments, so I’m not exactly an authority here.

Benji used the name on the credit card to do a search on StalkerNet, and sure enough, the name matched a female student at Purdue who, appropriately, listed “drinking” as one of her hobbies. Since her name is spelled unusually, it’s very likely this is who unwittingly stumbled in that night. Score one for the scientific method.

Last I heard, she hadn’t responded to any of Benji’s attempts to contact her to let her know where she could reclaim her possessions. By this point, I’m pretty sure it’s not going to happen.

5 Responses

  1. True enough, she has yet to respond to any of my messages. As such I’ve been buying a lot of cool things with her credit card and feeling relatively sex whilst wearing her shoes. The shoes are a little painful though as they don’t provide arch support. So much for my hopes of stabilizing the Gateway arch with these brown bad boys.

  2. The great thing about being away over break is that I have no idea to what extent, if any, Benji is joking.

  3. Hey now, Facebook is NOT StalkerNet. How many times must I tell you this Paul?

  4. Facebook is TOTALLY StalkerNet. Paul, you seem to be a magnet for the surreal. I enjoy it quite much.

  5. Funny, Paul, I thought you were going to discuss my little sister at the X-Mas Bash. *Sighs* Your version is far more entertaining.

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