Pentagon Confirms Plans for New Fighter

WASHINGTON – A spokesman for the Pentagon confirmed reports Thursday that a next-generation fighter aircraft is currently under development.

“With its fuel consumption dramatically lower than our current state-of-the-art, the JLRF will be capable of executing extended-range missions in locations where stable supply lines have yet to be established,” Anna Gemmara, deputy public relations secretary for the Pentagon, announced at a press conference on Thursday.

The key feature of the JLRF — or Joint Localized Rapture Fighter — will be its revolutionary propulsion system.

“Instead of relying on conventional propulsion techniques, the JLRF will produce a ‘localized rapture event’ in which the pilot will be able to spontaneously rise into the air,” explained Gammara during the press conference. By careful manipulation of the event, the pilot is expected to have control over his altitude and velocity.

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