I think I’m paranoid

“You’re not paranoid if they really are out to get you.”

Today I got a bunch of mail. Two of the envelopes were torn completely open at the top. They were enclosed in a clear plastic sleeve with the following message:

Dear Postal Customer:

We sincerely regret the damage to your mail by handling by the Postal Service. We hope this incident did not inconvenience you. We realize that your mail is important to you and that you have every right to expect it to be delivered in good condition.

Although every effort is made to prevent damage to the mail, occasionally this will occur because of the great volume handled and the rapid processing methods which must be employed to assure the most expeditious distribution possible.

We hope you understand. We assure you that we are constantly striving to improve our processing methods in order that even a rare occurence may be eliminated.

Please accept our apologies.


Your Postmaster

Now, it just so happens that on Friday, I had taken care of the paperwork for the scholarship that’s paying my way through grad school. This scholarship is offered by the federal government to students studying information security, with the expectation that we’ll then work for the federal government after graduation.

At first, I thought that maybe some clumsy federal agent was doing a really bad job of going through my mail to try to dig up dirt on me, as part of the background checks for a security clearance. But that’s clearly just a paranoid delusion.

After all, there’s no way the federal government could have that quick a turnaround time.

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